Different
by annielovesauggie
Summary: CH 2 POSTED After Annie completes her mission, she realizes that she can never really be who she once was. She desperately wants her old life back, but nothing is the same. Will Annie and Auggie be able to navigate a new 'normal' or is it better to close the book on the past. Annie/Auggie angst. Some mature content.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm starting a new series that takes place following the ending of Season 4. I'll post a new chapter once a week. I've outlined the next few chapters and I think it should be about 10 chapters total. As always, I own nothing. If you feel like reviewing, I'm always grateful to hear what you think and if you have any suggestions or ideas about where you'd like this story to go. Enjoy!**

"_See you back in DC."_

Annie looked out over the ocean as she tried to quell the trembling within her. A half day's journey to meet up with the US fleet and then she'd be on her way to DC. It wasn't real. There was no way she could walk back into the CIA and the DPD and pick up her life where she left off six months ago.

She'd been working toward a singular goal with laser like determination. Nothing had stopped her. Nothing had gotten in her way. And now….well, now it was over. Or was it? She flexed the fingers on her right hand and tried to erase the muscle memory of her hand around the gun as she fired two shots into the center mass of Henry Wilcox. No, she realized, there'd be no erasing that memory.

After completing a seemingly endless amount of paperwork, Auggie grabbed the first flight out of Hong Kong and back to the states. He wanted to clear the way for Annie—to make her transition as smooth as possible. He knew she'd be at least a half day behind him, but still there was much to be done.

Now, he stood on the tarmac and waited for the private jet to taxi to the hanger and give Annie back to him. He listened as the plane came to a stop and lowered the stairs. He waited for sounds of her, but nothing came.

Finally, he called out, hoping someone would answer him. "Excuse me?"

"Sir? Can I help you?"

Auggie could hear the rapid clicking of heels. "You were supposed to have a female passenger on board."

"I'm sorry sir. This flight carried only a Chinese business man and his family."

Auggie stood dumbstruck. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, sir. Can I assist you with anything else?"

"Ah, no. Thanks." Auggie turned and walked away, already dialing the number for the burner cell Annie had last used. As he expected, there was no answer. He walked back to the waiting car and climbed inside.

"Back to Langley, I guess." He spoke to his driver.

"Yes, sir."

Auggie closed his eyes as the car turned around and headed back. Suddenly the exhaustion of the past few days felt like a crushing weight. He hadn't let himself relax yet, and now that seemed prophetic. He supposed that deep down inside, he knew she wasn't going to come back the same. He'd been kidding himself that she could walk back into Langley and exchange witty banter with him as they waited for their morning cup of Starbuck's. Nothing would ever be the same.

xXx

A week later, as Auggie walked down the hallway towards his loft apartment, he was overcome with the memory of the last few times he'd been with her in this very space. After finding out that Henry had sabotaged the DNA results with the FBI, she'd come to him in relief and to strategize. He'd been near panic when she'd dropped him off before heading to her meet with Agent Rossabi, and then to have her back in his arms…all he'd wanted to do was run away with her—go as fast and as far as they could.

Then, she'd left with Helen. Even thinking about Helen caused him such pain. He'd wondered so many times if it hadn't been for this mess with Henry Wilcox, would he have ever known she was alive? She'd come back professing her undying love for him—convincing him that breaking up with him had been an act…but he'd believed it then, and he wasn't so sure now. Either way, that chapter was closed, but it had caused damage to the one relationship he valued about all others.

He lost count of his steps—something that almost never happened, so he swept his cane carefully feeling for the doorway. As he was about to put his key in the door, he smelled it. He couldn't place it, but he knew it had to be her. She'd long ago abandoned her signature grapefruit scent along with her blonde hair, apparently. The last few times he'd been near her, she'd smelled different—just soap and sometimes motor oil. Still, he knew it when she was near.

Now, he slid the door opened and waited for her to speak.

"Hi."

He judged her to be standing near the credenza. "Annie."

"I didn't know where to go…I'm sorry I didn't call…"

The tone of her voice alarmed him. He carefully walked toward her and reached out. He made contact with her shoulder and felt the stiffness of her posture. "I'm glad you came here."

"Auggie?"

Now, he quickly put down his bag, keys and cane and used both hands to grip her shoulders. "Yeah?"

"I don't think….I should…."

"Shh." He pulled her close and tucked her head in to his shoulder. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

She pulled back. "No." She whispered. "It's never going to be okay."

"That's not true. It'll be different, but it'll be okay. I promise."

"I killed him."

"Yeah." He exhaled as he tried to steady her. He waited and listened to the sounds of her wiping away tears.

"I…it wasn't like the last time….there were other things…I could've…"

"No. Don't do that. You made a choice and we both know it was the only way to stop him."

"Except for one thing."

"What?"

"We still don't know what his end-game was, Auggie. What did he want? Was it really all about revenge for Jai's death?"

Auggie had wondered the same thing many times too. How could one man be so hell-bent on revenge that he'd tear apart an entire division of the CIA and cause such carnage in the process?

"Annie—you've lost enough. Don't let him take anything else from you."

Now, she pulled out of his embrace and walked to the couch. Auggie heard her rustling in a bag.

"I can't go back. Not yet."

Auggie felt his heart drop. He was afraid of this. "It'll only get harder if you leave. There are support services…"

She interrupted him. "I don't need a shrink."

Auggie crossed his arms over his chest. "What do you need?"

She sighed as she looked around his space. Everything was so exact; so neat. She felt like the complete opposite. She felt like a tornado. "I need to be away for a while."

"Six months wasn't enough?" He shot back; hurt and anger lacing his words.

"That wasn't exactly a vacation."

"What about me?" He didn't mean to blurt that out, but he was furious and desperate all at the same time. If she walked out his door again, he doubted he'd ever see her again.

"I'm not what you want, Auggie. I'm not who I was."

He walked toward her, searching. He held out his hand and waited for her to slide hers into it, but this time, he was met only with empty space. "Annie?" He turned angrily when he heard her by the door. "Don't do that! Don't sneak away."

"I'm not. I'm sorry I came. I don't know why I did. I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry, Auggie. I'm sorry that any of this happened."

She slid the metal door open and closed so fast that he barely had a chance to register the noise and by then it was too late. Despite his quick reflexes and his acute hearing, he could not locate her in the now empty hallway. She was gone.

xXx

She stood across the street and stared up at his window, as he stomped around his apartment. She felt her heart tearing apart as she watched the only man she ever really loved in pain. She was the cause of it, and that only added to the pain. But how could she be with him? How could she give him anything when she was so completely empty inside? No, the answer wasn't to go back to Auggie and continue to take from him. If she was ever going to be worthy of him, she'd need to be able to offer something to him, and right now she had nothing. She'd never felt so deeply alone in her life. Now that she'd accomplished the objective, she was truly adrift; walking between worlds.

Annie turned and walked down the street slowly, watching the various people coming home from work; holding hands, talking, whispering, laughing. It was so foreign to her. She wanted desperately to be part of that world, but right now it was like they were all speaking a different language that she didn't understand.

She turned around and walked back down the street. She was leaving tonight. She was certain about that. She couldn't stay in DC, but something about his window pulled to her. She told herself that one more glimpse of him would be okay; even if it was only his dark silhouette in his lit window. She walked half way down the street and lifted her eyes, but to her dismay, his previously well-lit apartment was dark. She felt grief suddenly consume her as she realized the enormity of her mistake. She pushed away the one person that she couldn't live without.

Annie turned suddenly to run across the street, but before she could she caught a glimpse of him. He was at the opposite corner, crossing the street with the other pedestrians; his cane tapping its ever steady staccato against the pavement. She didn't realize she was running until she was a mere two feet in front of him.

"Auggie," a choked sob came out of her throat.

His mouth was set in a grim line, his eyes hard and steady. He pulled his cane up against his body and held out his hand. She immediately took it. "We're doing this my way, Walker."

She nodded, unable to get words around the lump in her throat, but he seemed to get the message, nonetheless. She leaned her head against his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his waist. He didn't take her elbow. He continued using his cane, as he took the lead. He turned them around and walked back to his apartment.

At the door, he finally spoke. "I'm going to pack a bag, and then we're getting out of here."

"Where—"she started.

"I don't know yet, but we'll figure it out."

"Auggie-"

"You've been through a lot, and I understand what it's like—to come back different. Sometimes picking up the pieces is possible…sometimes it's not."

"I don't want—"

"I need you to trust me."

Now, she smiled for the first time in what felt like a decade. "Okay."

"Good. Now, wait here while I pack. Oh, and Annie?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't ever run away from me again."


	2. Ch 2

_**A/N: I had this chapter ready to go, so I thought I'd just go ahead and post it. Thank you sincerely for all the reviews. I deeply appreciate them. Don't worry—this isn't going to be 10 chapters of back and forth between Annie and Auggie—there's a little adventure coming next! I was going to introduce it at the end of the chapter, but it was getting too long. It'll be at the top of Ch 3. Some angst, some fluff… **_

They rode side by side on Amtrak Acela Express from DC to New York City. Annie sat so silently that several times Auggie wondered if she were asleep or awake. The first few times he whispered her name, she answered with a simple "Hmm?" Finally, he stopped asking. The walls that she had built around herself were all too familiar to him and the irony that he was now on the outside of someone else's mental fortress was not lost on him.

His brother, Adam had pointed this out to him about a year after he returned from Iraq. He'd done well in rehab and had begun to rebuild his life. Auggie thought he'd pushed through obstacles and dealt with his grief over his loss. Apparently his younger brother didn't agree. Auggie leaned his head back on the headrest and closed his eyes, remembering Adam's words.

"You're like a brick wall, man."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know…it's like you've gone somewhere no one can follow."

Auggie had puzzled over Adam's strange comment. His brother didn't usually have a propensity toward the cryptic.

"I'm right here...I mean, obviously things aren't the same…."

"I'm not talking about your eyes, bro . It's something else. I know you saw things….did things you can't talk about…." he stumbled over his words.

Auggie felt his throat tighten. His brother was right. There were definitely things he'd seen and had done he'd never be able to talk about. Atrocities so inhumane there were no words capable of describing them. It was war….in order to survive; you had to protect your mind from the horror of the unspeakable. He thought he'd done a good job of putting that behind him and attempting to acclimate to civilian life. Apparently he'd been wrong.

"I'm not intentionally shutting you out." He tried to open up to his brother. Of all the Anderson boys, Auggie was closest to his brother Adam, who was only eighteen months younger. They'd been friends as well as brothers and Auggie knew his absence in Adam's life had hurt the young man.

"I know, dude."

"I don't know if anyone comes back the same." Auggie exhaled as he accepted the beer Adam handed him. They were sitting on the small deck of Adam's new condo. Auggie had moved in with him after completing rehab, and then a short, but disastrous attempt at living back home with his parents. His mother was overprotective and prone to bursting into tears every time he stumbled over an unseen obstacle.

Adam had, in his usual no nonsense way, told Auggie that he should live with him. He said he had no interest in mothering him. He needed a roommate to help pay the mortgage for a while and it would be great if Auggie would consider it before deciding on the next phase of his life.

Auggie moved in the next weekend, and true to his word, Adam treated just as he always had. Auggie felt himself relax for the first time in months. Adam had barely asked him anything about the war, or his injury. Mostly, they'd fallen into the pattern of their old relationship; going to ball games, bars and generally hanging out when Adam wasn't in class working towards his PhD in biophysics.

Now, this conversation caught him by surprise.

"I'm sorry." Auggie turned his head into the breeze and detected the scent of a barbeque in the distance.

"Don't be sorry, man. I just worry that you'll keep out the good along with the bad." Adam answered and then rose to turn on the radio. They listened to the Chicago Cubs lose to the Cardinals over the next two hours as they drank their beers in the setting sun. Adam never brought the topic up again.

Now, as he sat here next to Annie, he wondered if he'd need to do what Adam did: just accept the person you love as they are now, and stopping trying to bring back someone that's gone.

Finally the train pulled into Penn Station. Annie and Auggie gathered their few bags and made their way out of the station and into the bright sunlight of New York City.

"Where are we going now?" Annie surveyed the area. She'd been to New York a handful of times, but mostly on a mission of some sort. It had been years since she'd been here as a tourist.

"I have an apartment in SoHo."

Annie raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. "Subway or cab?"

"Cab."

Annie led them over to the cab stand. Auggie gave the driver an address on Sullivan Street. Annie was sure she'd never been in this part of the city and she marveled at the way the big, glass buildings began to diminish as they travelled east. The driver maneuvered down streets that grew increasingly narrow. The buildings here were only three or four stories tall. Brownstones with storefronts and apartments above lined the cobblestone streets. Finally, they turned off of Prince Street and onto Sullivan Street. The cab stopped and Auggie quickly paid the man and exited.

"What is this place?" Annie spoke in wonder as she took in the charm of the bohemian neighborhood.

"An old friend keeps a place here. It's empty, and it's ours for as long as we need it. It's number 137. Apartment number 8."

Auggie handed her a set of keys and she quickly let them inside. They climbed a narrow, but brightly lit stairwell. She took in the gorgeous wrought-iron railing and marble steps. Finally, they reached the third floor. She opened the door marked '8' and stepped inside.

She'd become so used to safe houses and flop houses, that for a moment, she was speechless. One full wall was exposed brick. It opened onto a living area that was decorated in buttery tones and natural wood. A sectional sofa in yellow was on one side and a small farmers table in rough wood was on the other. Around the corner was a small, white kitchen that held every amenity.

"There's only one bedroom, but the couch pulls out."

Annie flinched. For a moment, she'd forgotten he was there. She shook her head. She'd been alone so long that it had become her norm.

"Okay." She answered softly.

Annie watched Auggie move through the space with his cane. He was moving cautiously. "Its' been awhile since I've been here. I'm not sure if the layout is the same." He said as he found the coffee table and bent down to touch the knickknacks on its surface. She was about to speak when she noticed the grim set of his features and the faint blush in his cheeks.

"What's wrong?"

He stood up and faced her. "There's so much I want to say to you, Annie. I'm just…." He faltered.

She felt like her feet were welded to the floor. She wanted to go to him and touch him, hold him, anything….yet she couldn't move. Everything inside her was numb. She opened her mouth to speak and realized she had no idea what to say.

"Let me just ask you this….will you try?" He had both his hands on top of his cane, and was twisting it in what she now recognized as a nervous gesture.

"I'm here, aren't I?" She said softly. She watched the corners of his mouth twitch as he fought a smile.

"Yeah, yeah, you are." He turned away from her and continued his exploration of the space. He didn't want to tell her that he'd never been here 'in the dark.' This was Adam's apartment. He'd kept it even after he moved overseas to continue his research in London. He just hoped his brother hadn't left any goofy pictures of the two of them lying around. He doubted it. Ever since Adam met Cecelia, a fellow physicist with a passion for decorating, he'd seriously upgraded his style.

"I'm gonna grab a shower." Annie said softly.

"Okay."

Auggie exhaled as he heard her walk away and then the sounds of the shower. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

"Yeah?"

"Hey man, it's Adam."

"Oh, I meant to call you—"

"No problem. Antonio called. Nice to have a loyal landlord. Said my clone plus a kick-ass brunette just walked into my apartment."

"I'm sorry I didn't ask first…it was an-"

Adam interrupted, "an emergency, yeah, I figured. Although I'm not sure how many emergencies a code analyst can have." He replied with teasing sarcasm.

Auggie rolled his eyes. His brother was the only member of his family that he'd fully 'read in.' His other family members knew he worked for the CIA but believed his was a tech geek stuck in a basement at Langley. Adam was the only one that knew Auggie regularly found himself in danger.

"You okay?" Adam asked.

"Yeah."

"You don't sound okay?"

Auggie laughed. "There's a lot on the line." He answered truthfully.

"Personal or professional?"

"Adam-"Auggie warned.

"I know, I know…"

"Listen, I gotta run. I appreciate you letting me crash here."

"Anytime, bro."

Auggie could hear the emotion in his brother's voice. It had been too long since he'd talked to him. "When this is over, I'll come see you."

"What? Here? You'll come to London?"

"Why not?"

Adam's voice rose, "That would be great! Ceece will be excited to see you too. She's been so stressed at work.."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just a big project she's working on. It's a new drug targeting a specific DNA sequence. They're beginning testing next month."

"Sounds big."

"Yeah, well anyway, let me know if you need anything."

"We'll do. Thanks again."

"Goes without saying." Adam said as he disconnected the call.

Auggie closed the phone and immediately smelled the fruity fragrance of shower gel and felt the hot steam of the shower.

"Annie?"

"Sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

Auggie found the couch and lowered himself into it. "It's okay."

"Who were you talking to? You sounded….different."

Auggie smiled as he felt the weight of the couch dip slightly as she sat. "My brother."

"Oh."

Now Auggie remembered something he'd meant to talk to her about sooner. "Annie, have you called Danielle? She…I called…she thinks…."

"No, she doesn't." Auggie felt her rise up. He followed her into the small kitchen.

"What?"

"She knew I was alive."

Auggie felt like he'd been punched. "What? How?"

"It was her idea, actually."

Auggie could hear her opening and closing cabinet doors.

"Are there any teabags here?"

Auggie still couldn't wrap his brain around what she'd said, "What? I have no idea… go back. What did you and Danielle do?"

"It was a simple code. She made it up when we were kids. I used it in a postcard I sent her."

"So when I called her and had to tell her that you were dead," his voice cracked as he remembered the devastation in her voice.

"She didn't know if you knew. She had to play along."

Auggie turned his back on her and walked out of the kitchen. He stumbled on the long wooden bench that was partially tucked under the rectangular dining table.

"Auggie!"

He held up a hand to indicate he was fine. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Now Annie lowered herself to the floor and sat down next to him. "I didn't know it would all happen so fast."

"Yeah, either did I…one minute we were talking about the idea—which I was firmly against, if you remember…"

"Yeah, I remember."

"And then we're having this bizarre conversation, on my cell, which you full well knew was tapped—"he shut his eyes as he remembered the sound of guns firing.

"After it was over—after Eyal dropped me off, my first instinct was to call you." Annie smiled with the memory of how her hand moved to her pocket to fish out a cell phone that was no longer there. "You were the voice in my head, Auggie. All that time, you'd always been with me—and then you were gone."

He knew she was only a few inches away and his hands itched to touch her. Finally, he moved his left hand, searching. He came in contact with her knee. He discovered the rough fabric of denim.

"I felt it too, Walker. Knowing you were out there and that I couldn't reach you." He shook his head, trying to push those memories away.

Annie watched the emotion play across his strong features. She wanted to reach out and touch him and feel the warmth of his flesh, but still she held back. His hand had wondered upward and now was toying with her hair.

"Are you going to change your hair back?" He whispered as he played with the ends.

"No."

"No?"

"I don't feel like her yet…I don't know if I ever will."

He could hear the emotion in her voice, despite her attempts to hide it. He understood her better that probably anyone else could. He knew exactly what she meant. Someone died that day; and someone else was born.


End file.
